


The Farther the Fall

by RetroactiveCon



Series: Four Times Trouble [10]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Aftercare, Angst, Dom Drop, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Leonard Snart Needs a Hug, M/M, Scene Gone Wrong, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:01:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25561759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RetroactiveCon/pseuds/RetroactiveCon
Summary: “Len.” Barry squirms free of his blanket cocoon. “You’re dropping.”Leonard shakes his head. He’s not dropping. Even if he is (and a small, annoyingly logical part of his brain suggests that he might be), it doesn't matter.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Leonard Snart/Earth-X Leonard "Leo" Snart/Ray Terrill
Series: Four Times Trouble [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1706920
Comments: 13
Kudos: 69





	The Farther the Fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SophiaCatherine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaCatherine/gifts).



> For SophiaCatherine, who asked to see Len drop and finally get the comfort he's denied himself throughout the series. Getting him to accept that comfort was a struggle, so I hope this feels like he's making some progress!

Leonard’s hands shake as he turns on the shower. He splays his fingers, trying in vain to still the shaking. That’s unnecessary and he doesn’t have time for it.

The water beats down on him, colder than it usually is, aimed directly at his face. He closes his eyes and forces himself to relax. Cold means calm. Cold means thinking and being rational and not _fucking panicking_ like some kid after his first scene. Then he remembers the heartbreaking sound Barry had made just before Leo, perceptive as he is, called ‘red’ and brought the scene to a shuddering stop.

He'd hurt him. He’d done what he swore never to do, allowed a scene that hurt his sweet little Scarlet. He’d had misgivings, allowed the scene with only the barest of ‘I guess so’s because he’d hated the thought of disappointing Barry, and now this. He should have trusted his instincts. He failed. Barry will hate him, as he should. He _hurt_ him.

“Are you all right?”

Leo. Of course. Leonard doesn’t even turn around. “I’m fine. You should be with Barry, he’s hurt.”

“He and Ray are clinging.” There’s a rush of warm air. Leo is in the shower with him. Of course he is, because his damned doppelganger doesn’t know when to quit. “He wants you.”

“I hurt him!” He hears again that heartbreaking sound Barry made just before Leo ended the scene. _He_ was the one who drew that noise from his precious Scarlet. All this time of trying to tell himself that if he could just restrain his more dangerous side, he might be good enough to trust himself as Barry’s Dom…lies, and he should have known it. 

“We all did.” Leo lays a hand on his shoulder. Leonard flinches away. “That was a bad scene from the start. You were anything but enthusiastic—”

“I should have said no.” Leonard curls under the spray. It’s freezing, colder than he likes, but no less than he deserves. “I didn’t want to disappoint Barry, but I should have said no. I’d rather have disappointed him than broken his trust.”

“Broken his trust?” Leo scoffs. “You didn’t. I told you, we didn’t do anything right, but that wasn’t just your problem. Our planning was subpar, all of us were off our game—Ray is currently clinging and apologizing for not being in the right headspace when it was his turn—and by the time you took your turn, the two of us had given Barry less-than-stellar performances already. We built up to a disaster, and it happened to brim over onto you.”

“I was the one who made you call red on his behalf!” Leonard turns off the water. There’s no point staying here if it means getting pestered by his doppelganger. Instead, he storms out of the shower, wraps himself in a towel, and goes looking for Barry. He hurt him, he shouldn’t be allowed to touch him, but if he feels like this, his sweet Scarlet has to be dropping like hell. He needs to get him blankets and food…and then more food…and then leave him with Leo and Ray to enjoy that food. 

“You—where are you going?” Leo trails after him. “You need to slow down, you’re dropping and you need care, why are you walking away from me?”

Leonard gathers up the soft throw blanket from the sofa and hurries back into the playroom. Barry isn’t there. Then where…right, the bedroom. He all but runs to the bedroom, convinced he’ll find Barry sobbing and shaking in a corner.

Instead of a sobbing Barry, he finds Ray’s familiar cocoon of blankets, this time wrapped around Barry and a clingy, tearstained Ray. He drops the blanket numbly. Of course. _Ray_ isn’t a terrible Dom; he’d know to bundle Barry in blankets. Food, though—even if Ray brought snacks, Barry is a speedster. He can always use more food. How sick and backwards Leonard is, not to immediately bring him food!

“Len.” Barry sees him and stretches out piteous hands. Poor thing, he thinks Leonard brought him something useful instead of an unnecessary blanket. “Are you okay?”

Tears prickle the backs of Leonard’s eyes. He blinks them away impatiently. He doesn’t have the right to cry—Barry does, and instead his poor hurt sub is trying to check on _him_. He must have treated him appallingly to teach him to ignore his own needs after a scene. “Food,” he mumbles. “You need food. I’ll go…”

“He’s dropping,” Leo says from behind him. 

“I know that.” Leonard needs to go get food for his poor dropping boy, so why won’t his damn feet move? “Which is why I need to go get food, I should have done this right away…” He spent—he doesn’t even know how long, he realizes with rising panic—hiding in the shower while his sweet Scarlet was hurt and dropping. 

“Len.” Barry squirms free of his blanket cocoon. “ _You’re_ dropping.”

Leonard shakes his head. He’s not dropping. Even if he is (and a small, annoyingly logical part of his brain suggests that he might be), it doesn’t matter, because Barry is also dropping and Barry takes priority. “I need to look after you.”

“Len.” Barry sounds faintly amused and deeply, deeply worried. “You’re naked and shivering and you’re acting like I haven’t had two other Doms looking after me while you froze yourself in the shower. You need looked after.”

Leonard looks down and sees that at some point, possibly when he dropped the blanket, he also dropped his towel. His skin is blotchy from the cold. He’s sickening, he thinks—poor Barry, having to pretend this is appealing. “You’re hurt,” he protests. “I hurt you. I kept hurting you and I didn’t stop, Leo had to…”

“Come here.” Leo wraps him in the blanket. He makes a noise of protest—he doesn’t need swaddled in blankets, he needs to get away before he hurts Barry again. “I told you, it was a bad scene from the start. Wouldn’t you say, Barry?”

Barry nods and pulls Leonard into his arms. The contact is all he needs to start sobbing, disgusting hideous tears that Barry shouldn’t have to endure. “Oh,” Barry coos. “Oh, you were in there getting yourself locked in your head, weren’t you?”

“I hurt you.” Leonard curls in on himself and tries to hide his face with the blanket. 

“You did,” Barry agrees. He kisses Leonard’s hair and rocks him slowly back and forth like he’s soothing a child. Leonard hates that it actually does soothe him. “But we all did—even I contributed. We didn’t plan to our usual standards—it was adequate, sure, but it wasn’t thorough, and you didn’t want to do it.” When Leonard opens his mouth to protest, Barry cuts him off. “You didn’t, and we shouldn’t have kept planning with you so reluctant. But we did, and we went through with it, and it was bad. But that isn’t on you.”

“I hurt you,” Leonard insists, and then utters what Barry doesn’t seem to understand: “I was always going to hurt you. I’m not good enough for you or for this. They are, they’re kind and gentle, go to them.”

“Bullshit,” Barry says softly. He keeps rocking slowly. Leonard focuses on anticipating the next sway, letting the movement calm some of the frantic noise in his head. “This wasn’t some inevitable outcome of you not being good or safe or fit for a relationship. This was one poorly-planned scene. You are good, you’re a good Dom, you stopped the moment Leo called red and look at you now, dropping and still trying to take care of me.”

Leonard shakes his head. It’s not enough. And he’s not taking care of Barry, he’s sitting here sobbing and forcing Barry to take care of him. “I should be doing more. I _have_ to do more. I’m not good enough to be with you, I just have to take care of you.”

Barry makes a little heartbroken sound and squeezes him tight. “That’s what you think? That’s why every scene is about me and what I want or what I need? Len, you’re allowed to need things too! You don’t have to earn me.”

“And part of that is not hiding your feelings.” Leo sounds slightly singsong, as though he’s just on the edge of gloating, but Leonard doesn’t have the energy left to care. “Barry values your feelings—we all do. That includes the right to say no to scenes and to ask for help after.”

“If I can’t take care of you, I’m not worth your time,” Leonard insists. He leans into Barry’s arms and cuddles him desperately. He shouldn’t be taking so much affection from him, but oh, he’s aching for it.

“You are.” Leo’s voice is further away now. Leonard suspects he’s curled up with Ray, but even while being cuddled, he can’t keep his opinions to himself for two seconds. “You think you’re just playing good, but Barry said it best: with all my love, that is bullshit. You’re as good and valued in this relationship as any of us.”

Leonard sobs and buries his face in Barry’s shoulder. Barry rocks him some more and coaxes, “I want you to say it. Say you’re valued. Say you need help.”

Leonard knows better than to resist Barry’s prompting, but he doesn’t have the energy to lie convincingly, either. “I’m weak and I need help.” 

Barry shakes his head. “That’s not true. Needing help doesn’t make you weak, does it, Leo?”

It’s Ray who answers, albeit in a somewhat shaky and teary-sounding voice. “Of course not, or you would be calling all of us weak. Needing help is vulnerable, yes.” There’s a rustling sound. When Leonard looks up, Ray has shifted to envelop Leo in layers of blankets. Leo looks less than thrilled by the sudden warmth. “But it’s not weak.”

“Try again,” Barry coaxes. 

Leonard can’t bring himself to call himself ‘valued’ just yet—he shouldn’t be. They…want to value him, for some absurd reason, but they shouldn’t. “I need help,” he admits.

“And why do you deserve that help?” Barry rubs his fingertips against the nape of Leonard’s neck. That’s not fair—Barry knows that’s his weak spot.

“Because I…” Leonard sniffles. “I’m valued?”

“You are.” Barry sounds so pleased with him that Leonard’s heart swells. He fucked it up. But maybe, just maybe, Barry can love him anyway. “Tell me again.”

“I’m valued,” he murmurs. Thinking it’s what Barry wants to hear, he adds, “I’m valued when I try to be better?”

Barry shakes his head. “No. You’re valued as you are. The fact that you try to be better for me is wonderful, and it’s one of the reasons I love you so much, but it’s not why I care about you.” He kisses Leonard’s brow. “I care about you because you’re not, despite what you think, a monster in disguise. You care so much, and everything you do for me, in or out of a scene, speaks to that. I know you only see the worst of yourself, but I get to see all of you, and I value every bit of it.”

Leonard sniffles. He’s not usually this pathetic after a scene. (All right, so maybe he’s dropping. He doesn’t have to like admitting it.) “I-I’m…valued as I am,” he repeats. The words don’t feel right—he has to earn being worth their time. Or…does he?

Barry makes such a pleased, encouraging sound that Leonard’s heart swells. He hurt his sweet Scarlet, but somehow Barry still loves him. “You are,” he whispers, still rocking. “You’re so loved.”

Leonard burrows closer to him. He’s loved. He’s valued. He still needs to be careful—he’ll always be dangerous, and he needs to be mindful of that—but Barry knows that and loves him anyway. 

“Well.” Leo sounds suspiciously like he’s been well-kissed. More likely, remembering Ray’s state, he was the one leading the kisses. “I think we should get our cried-out darlings to the sofa and turn on a cheesy movie. Maybe with hot chocolate?”

“Everything is better with hot chocolate,” Leonard agrees. And kosher mini marshmallows, which had made Leo’s day when he first tried them. “Though if you ask for hot chocolate and Chinese again, I’m sending you back to Earth-X in disgrace.”

“That’s not a mistake one makes twice,” Leo says loftily, then reaches over to pet Leonard’s shoulder. 

“It’s not a mistake you should have made once.” Barry gently coaxes Leonard to uncurl from his arms, only to pull him close again when they stand up. “Do you want to get dressed or stay wrapped in the blanket?”

Leonard considers. He still, after all this time, finds the idea of Leo and Ray seeing him naked outside of a scene to be too intimate—they wouldn’t have the distracting endorphins to make his scars seem less horrific. On the other hand, putting on clothes requires energy he doesn’t have right now. “…Stay in the blanket?”

“Perfect.” Barry squeezes him gently and guides him to the door. “Let’s go out to the sofa and cuddle up. Leo can put in the movie, since he’s feeling helpful.”

Leo mutters something under his breath. Leonard manages a tired laugh. “More like nosy.”

“Well, he got you out of the shower and into my arms, so that’s a win in my book.” Barry leans into his blanket cocoon to give him a kiss. “Also, I liked the old way, where we took baths two by two. You alone in a cold shower breaks my heart.”

Leonard almost protests that it’s supposed to help keep him from dropping before he realizes how that will sound given what’s just happened. “We might have to go back to that. Though if we’re looking for somewhere that will hold four of us better than this apartment does, a bigger tub is going to have to be a sticking point.”

“I like the sound of that,” Leo chips in eagerly. 

Leonard allows himself to imagine it—cuddling up with his guys in a tub fit for four, letting himself be warm and loved after a scene. He wants that, he realizes, and he might even be able to let himself have it. “I know,” he murmurs, and allows himself to admit, “I do, too.”


End file.
